I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
