I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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