k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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