just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
