operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
