apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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