Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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