where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
