Already got asked if we're dating
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
