I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
