i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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