Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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