My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
