why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
