Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize