i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
