The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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