You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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