Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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