his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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