Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That's intense
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
