Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
