she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
