No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
