you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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