just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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