Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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