I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
