Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All the doctor said was why
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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