OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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