Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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