home. puking in laundry basket.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
