I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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