She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
