I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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