my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
