I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
