I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
