After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
