I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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