I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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