he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
