When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
