He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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