Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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