Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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