Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
