In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
