OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
