He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
