I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
