R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize