i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
