yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
