There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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