Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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