i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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