Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
