Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
