I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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